Busy day!

I am getting ready to go to my mother in laws for the day.

I just wanted to pop on real quick and thank each one of you for your support and for bringing me back down to earth. My beta is tomorrow so I will post as soon as I get the number. I'm not feeling much of anything yet. I have been eating a lot of pickles! LOL

So here's to tomorrow's beta! Please say a prayer that I get an excellent number. God is watching over me and my baby/babies. I am going to try to stay positive. I hope you all are having a wonderful day!

XOXO,
Kami

I need help!!!!!!

Morning girls,

I am a wreck...... So, I try to have a baby for the last two and a half years, finally am pregnant and over the moon but then the constant testing has driven me mad.

Here's the rundown:
Yesterday FMU- Woke up at 5:45 a.m.- POAS and you all saw that one.
Last night POAS- $tree and it was way darker than the morning one.
This morning woke up at 5:00 a.m. to POAS and the FRER was lighter than yesterdays.
Went to sleep devastated.
Woke up at 8:30 a.m. (3 1/2 hours later) POAS and it is darker than the FMU frer but still the same color as yesterday morning's frer. Shouldn't it be darker?? Now I am freaking out.

BUT the digital said pregnant! So, here are the pictures. Tell me what you think?

11dpo first morning urine vs. 12dpo second morning urine (they look the same!)

This is this morning's first morning urine vs. second morning urine (what a difference, wierd)

11dpo first morning urine vs. this morning's first morning urine (it's lighter! Not good!)

And finally, the digi!!! This looks wonderful but it means nothing now that I saw the first responses...... I'm a mess right now.... UGH!!!


Here's a comparison of all of them so you can see the changes.....

For all of you ladies who are preggo or who have been, did you ever have this happen??? I'm feeling a little scared right now. Of course, there is nothing I can do to stop from something happening. It is all up to God. Not me. I'm just scared.....

Thanks for listening and all your comments.... they man more to me that you know.. Again, you can click on the pictures to get a better view. Hugs to you all!!!

Kami

I am freaking out over here!!!!!

Ok, first off, I want to thank all of you for helping me through my pitty party yesterday. I was so emotional it was crazy!!! Maybe a pregnancy symptom???? LOL



Second, hubby made me post a picture without any words to see if you lovely ladies saw what we saw!!! Let me tell you, I was only 10dpo yesterday and it came up within 1 minute!!! I did test with a dollar tree test this morning and it was the same as last night so I took my first response because I started to panic and this is what I got!!!

Click on the picture to get a better view

It is beautiful in person! Clear as day! I am a little worried about the $ tree test but I am going to just keep telling myself that those are cheap tests. I have NEVER had two lines on a first response!!! I will be going out tonight to pick up a digital and a few more first responses. Here's hoping I have a sticky baby (or two) hanging out in there. I'm thinking there may be two. That line is pretty dark for only 11 days past ovulation!!! Or 6 days past transfer! Tell me what you think! Thank you girls! Love you all!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

*HAPPY DANCE*

I don't know how much more I can take.......

I'm feeling really low today....

I have been having anxiety attacks the last few days....

I had heart surgery five years ago and my heart is acting up really bad. (I have what Stellan has)

I want this to be over with...

I don't want to wait anymore....

It shouldn't be this hard to get pregnant.....

What did I do to deserve this?......

I want to test to confirm what I think is going to happen.....

I'm broken, my uterus has betrayed me.....

I will never be a mother....

Is God punishing me???.....

How can two perfect blasts be transferred and nothing come of it??.....

I feel nothing.....

Same old symptoms I always have every BFN month.....

My husband and I will never have a child together......

I just want to curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep...

I want to sit in complete darkness right now....

I want to test tonight but I know it will be negative, it's too early...

I will test tomorrow but I am so scared to...

Will it be negative?....

Am I crying for nothing?....

Am I going to be pleasantly surprised?....

Is my dream going to come true?....

Does God really love me like it says in the Bible?....

Has he forgiven me for the horrible things I did in my past?......

Will he give me a chance to be a mother?.....

All I want is to give birth to a human being that is 50% me and 50% my husband. I want to give the man who I love unconditionally another child........

I want to hold my sweet little baby in my arms and shelter him/her from harm....

I want to smell his/her head.... the sweet smell of my baby...

I want to wake up fifty times in the middle of the night to my babies cry just so I can see my little miracle laying there waiting for his/her mommy.....

I want to change poopy diapers....

I want to be spit up on, pooped on, peed on.....

I want to watch him/her grow to be anything they want to be.....

I want to hear their first words.....

See their first steps......

Love him/her unconditionally...... forever and ever......

I just want my baby.........



Dear little babies,

This is your mommy. I am a wreck today. Very emotional. All I keep thinking about is if you two are safe and growing in my uterus. I love you and daddy loves you so very much. You have no idea how much we want you in our lives. Your sisters want you too....

Please babies, please stay with me.... Please don't leave me... I love you....... More than you will ever know!

Love,
Your mommy

Where's the spray????

Because I have gas!!!!!! LOL LOL LOL

Seriously though, I do and it just snuck up on me along with some nice hot flashes! All in the last hour! Goodness! My poor co workers! LOL

I'm not reading into it though! I have had every symptom under the sun in the last few years. I just can't let myself read into them. I just can't!

I can't read into the nausea that almost had me running into the bathroom.
I can't read into the little cramps and twinges I am having to the left of my belly button.
I can't read into the hot flashes that have caused me to run naked down the hallways at work.
I can't read into the extreme exhaustion I had at around 10:00 a.m.
I can't read into the lovely flatulence that wants to leave my body in a force you would never believe a *uh hum* young lady would cause.
I can't read into greasy face that some how just started today!

No, I can't do it! I can't read into any of these symptoms because I have had them all before! However, I have never had two "perfect" 5AA blasts floating around in my uterus before, so maybe, just maybe, these symptoms are the start of something??? Oh God, how I hope this is it!!! Please hear my prayers!

I hope everyone is having a great day!

I would love to hear symptoms from all of you. Natural pregnancies, IUI pregnancies and IVF pregnancies! Give me something to obsess about! LOL

Love to you all!
Kami

Oh, and Mylanta would be great right about now! LOL LOL

****EDIT****

I didn't run down the halways naked!!! I promise! I wanted to though! LOL

My butt is sore!!!!!

That's right! I said it! Hubby stuck me with the PIO (progesterone) needle last night and hit something that made me bleed so bad. Now I have a knot that will not go away! Thanks hubby! I mean serious bleeding on my bathroom floor. I almost passed out bleeding. Ack!

My nurse told me that I could resume normal activity right after the transfer. I am doing things a little different this time around. I am not going to go on total bed rest. I came home from the transfer yesterday and layed down for a few hours. I took a long nap because I couldn't sleep at all from the anticipation. When hubby got home from work, we decided to go to dinner and a movie. The only thing was the movie we wanted to see was only playing in one city. (Ann Arbor for you Michiganders) so hubby and I went to Outback steakhouse to celebrate our outcome of this IVF and then we drove 45 minutes to Ann Arbor to see the movie Anvil: The story of Anvil. It was a really good movie (documentary). After the movie, we decided to walk around on the University of Michigan campus but about 50 steps in, I started to get scared that I was over doing it! My nurse reassured me that my uterus is a whole other entity and no matter what my body is doing, it will not disturb my uterus. I guess it's the same for women who conceive naturally. Half the time they have no clue they are pregnant and are living a normal life during that time. Of course she told me to stay away from aerobic activities, jet skiing, running...etc.

So, we got home last night and that's when the bloody massacre happened to my butt ox. Not a pretty sight! LOL

This morning we woke up, went to Bob Evan's and then we decided to go to the Holocaust Memorial Museum right around the corner from my home. We are not Jewish, but it is Memorial weekend and the Holocaust is very interesting to me. They had everything in there. From the actual suits they wore in the camps to wreaths made out of the hair shaved off of the Jews heads. It was really emotional. They had graphic pictures. I had to turn away during some of them. I can't believe that there was so much hate! It is so alarming.

Now we are home and hubby is making me lay in bed the rest of the night. We are going to my best friends house tomorrow for Memorial Day. I am excited to see them. I just hope she has a nice comfy lawn chair for my toosh!!! LOL

I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend. It is going by way too fast! I hate that!

Oh yeah, I am having some cramping here and there. To all my IVF girls, can you tell me what you felt after transfer leading up to your bfp's?? That will help me obsess more! LOL

Hugs,
Kami

Introducing..........

MY BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aren't they just perfect???? I think so!!!! What an experience this has been. Totally different from the last time. The last time, the embryologist and the RE were trying to calm me down because I was so devastated from the news. I left not feeling to optimistic. This time my mom came with me. I had someone to share it with and that was special in itself. We got there and I had no clue how many babies I had left. We walked in and they were waiting for me. They took us back, I got dressed into the hospital gown, then the embryologist walked in to give me the news. Out of the six babies from Thursday, five made it to blasts!!!! I was so shocked!!! And to top that off, they were all perfect grades!!! The two they transferred were graded 5AA. They said they haven't seen embryo's like that in a long time! I felt special. Mom and I couldn't stop crying through the whole thing. The three that were frozen were graded 4AA. I guess that is still pretty great! Good enough for me!

If you look closely at the picture, you can see they are starting to hatch out of the egg! Isn't that amazing? My babies are trying to get to their mommy! LOL

So, now I am in bed for a couple of hours. I couldn't sleep last night so I am exhausted. I am going to take a nap and catch up on every ones blog. I hope everyone is enjoying their Memorial holiday! I know I am. I feel like I am on cloud nine!

God is so good!

Kami

On my way... again!

I'm getting ready to leave to go pick up my babies from the babysitter! You better believe I'll update you as soon as I walk in the door. Pics included!!!

XOXO
Kami

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!

I'm back!!!!!!!!!




And......with some news..............




So, I leave this morning to head out to the RE's office, I get there a few minutes late, my mom is already there (she drove over an hour to get there) I walk in and I get weird looks. I say hello, sign in and one of the girls asked why I was there??? I said, I am here for my transfer because the RE told me to be here at nine in the morning today. She then looks on the computer and says........ are you ready..........


You are having a five day transfer Kami, you weren't supposed to be here until Saturday!!!!

I say, are you sure you have the right person???? She says ummmm yes! I then start to hyperventilate, my mom is holding me, she is asking what all this means.... I tell her this is a really good thing!!! She starts jumping up and down and the front desk people are cracking up!!! What a moment! So there you have it girls.....


I have:

4- 8 cell embryo's
1- 7 cell embryo
1- 6 cell embryo

Can you believe that?????????? I'm having a five day transfer!!!!!!!!!!!! God is so good!!!!!!

I guess those socks are really really lucky!!!! Thank you Amy!!! I love you girl!!!!

Oh and my dear Toni, don't tell anyone at work, I'm taking a day off!!!!! LOL I deserve it sister!

Love you all,
Kami

*** EDITED***

I wanted to explain the difference between a three day and a five day transfer. Actually, let me copy and paste just in case you are interested....

Blastocyst transfer is considered a more "natural" type of transfer than the Day 3 transfer procedure. This is because the blastocyst embryo is implanted into the uterus at almost the same time that it would have entered the uterus should the pregnancy have been a natural one. Alternatively, during Day 3 transfers, embryos are placed inside the uterus at a time when they should normally still be in the fallopian tubes. It is believed that by waiting to transfer a blastocyst embryo, a woman may be more likely to achieve a successful pregnancy.


Blastocyst embryo transfers have also been associated with better IVF success rates. By allowing embryos to culture for a longer period of time, embryologists are better able to choose healthy embryos to transfer into your uterus.
Not all embryos are strong enough to reach the blastocyst stage of development; in fact, approximately 50% of all embryos die soon after the third day of development. By holding transfer off until the blastocyst stage, your embryologist will be better able to ensure that your embryos are healthy and capable of further development. Blastocyst transfer is associated with almost a 50% success rate, compared to the usual 35%.

Here we go!!!

Ok beauties!!!!

It is 8:23 a.m. I couldn't sleep last night and I am so nervous to get there and they say only one again. I have a nagging feeling they will but again, I HAVE to leave it in Gods hands. I love you girls and I will be back in a couple of hours to update you on my babies!

Fert report!

Ok, so keep in mind the last cycle and then tell me what you think. I am trying to think really positive here.

Last cycle- 18 retrieved, 9 mature, 5 fertilized, 1 made it to transfer.

This cycle- 16 retrieved, 7 mature, 6 fertilized, (?) three day transfer.

I knew that a lot of them were too little to be mature so I knew I would be in the single digits with my fert report. The thing that is better this cycle is if you look at last cycle, 4 of the eggs did not fertilize. This time around only 1 didn't. That is a lot better!!! What do you think? I know it isn't a lot but I keep telling myself, better quality, better quality.....

I am excited to know I have six babies right now. One more than last time! I know that last time four of them didn't continue to grow so please pray that at least three do really well. I'm ok with not freezing any. I just want a few more to put in to give us a better chance!

So there you have it! Thursday is transfer day unless they call me and tell me otherwise. My mom is going to be there with me so I am excited I get to experience this hard part of my life with her. She was there for the retrieval and finally saw what hubby and I have to go through. I think she is starting to understand that I can't just simply "relax" and it will happen. It was very emotional for her. I'm glad I get to share this part of my life with her.

I am also thankful to even have fertilized eggs. I am thankful to have this opportunity once again. I am also thankful to have such wonderful people in my life like yourselves!

Thank you all and God bless!

Kami

Where were you hiding???

I'm back and tired!!!! I'm going to lay down for a nap after this post.

So, remember I told you that the RE said I would get about 12-13 eggs.

Yeah, he was wrong........ because...... they got 16!!!!! Yay!!!!

Can you believe that? I am shocked! Where did those other ones come from?? Now I know that only half will be mature but at least I got more and maybe there will be a few more mature ones in the bunch. I'm pretty excited! I am also a little nervous but I know God is with me and it will all work out the way it is supposed to.

I will get a call tomorrow with the fertilization report. I will let you know first thing what they say. Please say a prayer for my little eggs. I am hoping the Menopur was exactly what they needed!

Thank you so much for being here with me during another IVF! Your support is so very much appreciated. You all keep me going when I feel like I don't have anything left! I love you all so much!


"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. The LORD is the strength of his people, a fortress of salvation for his anointed one. Save your people and bless your inheritance; be their shepherd and carry them forever."Psalm 28:7-9

I have been triggered!!!!

So, I triggered last night at 8:30 p.m. and my retrieval is tomorrow morning.

I am a little worried though because we pushed my cycle out one more day and now my eggs are ranging from 18mm to 24mm. The RE is worried they may be too big now and over mature. I'm hoping she is wrong. So there you have it folks, tomorrow is the day and I am a little bit of a wreck! LOL

It's in God's hands...... He is taking care of me... I trust Him!!

I'll let you know tomorrow how it goes! Wish me luck! LOL

Kami

Thank you!!!!!

Your prayers have worked!!!!!!

Lining- 12
12-13 eggs!!!! All measurable!

My RE said everything looks wonderful. Thank you all so much for your prayers. The power of prayer is amazing!!! I love you all and am so glad you are all here with me. What a wild ride this has been! But how amazing to have such wonderful support. My heart is so full right now. You all are so special to me!

So, it's on!!! I go back in tomorrow and the RE said most likely I will have my retrieval on Sunday or Monday. Holy cow! Here we go again!

Now I am praying for all of them to be mature. Give or take one or two. Last time they pulled 18 but only 9 were mature. Hopefully the menopur did the trick this time around and almost all of them will be mature. Even if we only got 9 again, do you think the menopur will make them more mature than the last time? Please tell me what you think. I would really appreciate that.

Ohhhhhh, and I have a funny story. Remember when I told you about the "lucky" socks I received in the mail? Well, I have been wearing them to all of my appointments and all of the appointments have been going well. Well, I was getting ready to put them on at my last appointment and the RE busted into the room as I am naked from the waist down so I immediately jumped onto the table without the socks and that is when I was told I only had three measurable eggs. (coincidence?) I had time to put them on this time and BAM, good news!!! Well well, I think those little socks are indeed lucky!!! Thanks you Amy!!! (hugs)

tah tah for now! See you again tomorrow! I think I may be getting excited finally. It's about time!

Kami

Tomorrow

I go in tomorrow morning for another ultrasound and blood work. Please spare a prayer or two that it will turn out great! I am worried we may have to cancel this cycle. Please little eggs, GROW!!! This is our last chance!

Hugs to you all!

Kami

Please pray......

There is a new angel in heaven as of yesterday and her name is Kayleigh. I have been praying for her family for a long time now and finally, she is home with Jesus. May her little body finally rest in peace. Please go to her blog and say a little prayer for her family during this difficult time.

One of the things that amazes me is her mom and dad. They have so much faith it is inspiring. They just lost their little one pound miracle and their faith is stronger than ever! It is so amazing to witness. God is so good. He takes the bad and somehow turns it into good. Absolutely amazing. Now my Haley girl has a playmate. Two little one pound miracles. I just can't stop crying. My heart is breaking for them.

As for my cycle, yeah...... not so good. I'm not responding to the meds that well. I only have three that are measurable right now. If we only have that much on Thursday, I am cancelling the cycle. With the turnout last cycle, I don't want to take any chances. This is our last time trying to have a baby and I want to make sure we have enough to work with.... We'll see on Thursday. Wish me luck!

I hope you all are having a good day!

Kami

For all of you wonderful women!!!

Happy Mother's Day girls!!!

To all you mommies, mommies to be, step mommies and soon to be mommies!!!!

Hugs to all of you beautiful women on this beautiful day!

Love,
Kami

Good Golly Miss Molly!!!!

Can I just say that my night was really nice last night!

Hubby and I had a minor, ok, major fight yesterday and by the time we got home from work, we said our apologies and ended up making the night really nice.


I made dinner, we had a few drinks and talked for a long time. It was really nice.

THEN....... I had to do my injections..... Holy cow!!!

Can I just say, the menopur is not pleasant. That injection burned. Just try to picture the moment with me.

I've had a few drinks (I'm a lightweight)

I hook up my IPod and jam out my Twilight soundtrack (I know, I know)

I get my injections ready

I inject my Lupron (A breeze)

I put the Menopur needle in (Instant pain before pushing the medicine in)

I wince at the pain, I start to get really scared, I turn up my ipod while the needle is still in my stomach, I push the medicine in slowly..... PAIN!!!! OUCH!!! CRAP!!! THAT HURT!!!

I inject my Follistim (A breeze)

I look at my poor red, bloody stomach and say to myself, "This is so worth it."

I go and snuggle with hubby, and fall asleep in his arms. Ahhhhhh, that's my life!

So, I am now officially stimming. Retrieval should be either on the 17th or 18th. I'm hoping for the 17th since that is a Sunday and I won't have to take too many days off of work. Actually, I might even come back to work after the transfer. I'm changing things up this time around!

I hope everyone is having a great day!

Kami

Cycle day 3

Ok, I went in this morning for my blood work and ultrasound.

I have 14 follies. I was kind of hoping for more since I responded so poorly last time. But I need to be thankful and grateful to be able to do this again so soon. So, 14 it is and that is cool with me!

I am still waiting for the call regarding my blood work. If it isn't good, I will be posting again. If it's a go, then consider this the post saying "It's a go!!!"

So, I start stimming tonight. Let the bloating begin! LOL

I am still trying to find the excitement in this. I'm not excited at all. I am scared. I am frightened to get my hopes up because of what happened the last time. Maybe that's normal? Who knows. I'm just going with the flow.

So, here we go again! Now I will be posting daily!

Also, my dear friend Amy sent me a special pair of socks. Thank you honey. You bet I had them on this morning. And I will have them on every single appointment. I'll take a picture of them and post them. They mean a lot to me! Love you honey! Also, please stop by her blog and say a prayer for her family. Her son is really sick and Amy is battling cancer right now. She is a very special woman. You would know it as soon as you visit her.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful day!

Kami

When is this going to be over???

I'm done riding this roller coaster. I want off! NOW!

I used to love going to amusement parks, now, I don't want to step foot in one. It will remind me too much of this crap coaster I'm riding on right now.

So, good news..... My mother is bailing me out....

I called her yesterday in hysterics. Not to ask for money, just to talk to my mom. I needed her so bad yesterday. I just cried and she just listened. I never lose control in front of her but yesterday, I couldn't help it, I sobbed uncontrollably for the entire day. What a mess...

So, my mommy has come to the rescue. I told her I wanted to be done. I didn't want to try to have a baby anymore. I was tired of the hurt and the pain. She told me that she is not going to let me give up and she wanted to help because she knows I want this more than anything. That meant a lot to me.

I prayed yesterday for a sign. I wanted God to tell me if I should keep going or if I should just stop trying and I guess he answered me. He is so good.

So there you have it ladies. My meds came in today and I go in Thursday morning for cd 1 blood work and ultrasound. If all is well, I will start stimming on Thursday. It's insane how quick this went for me. I am so glad I found those Twilight books. LOL

Thank you for being with me girls. I love you all.

We may have to cancel.....

We got a bill this weekend in the mail that was unexpected.... we may have to cancel this cycle.. I am really bummed out. It's either our IVF or our gas and electric.... I wonder what I should pick? *sarcasm*

I'll know more tomorrow. If it isn't one thing, it's another.

And to think, I was injecting myself for nothing.....

If this doesn't work, I am taking a break through the summer. Please pray for us...

Love,
Kami

Pulling teeth and a new do!

So, my little chicken A showed me her very loose tooth last night and with a little bribing, she let me pull it. LOL One chocolate candy and a blow pop. That's all it takes. HA! Also, notice, I am no longer a blonde........ I am now a brunette..... I'm digging it and so is hubby so let's see how long it will last. LOL