I had a dream last night. One that I can't shake. It has me thinking a mile a minute and I can't get it out of my head.
I was at home. Surrounded by family and friends. Mostly family since I have no time for many friends. Sad really. I was holding my girls in my arms. Looking into their eyes and telling them how much I love them and to be good girls for their daddy. I was crying and so was everyone else around me. I was dying. Of cancer. It was consuming my body and I couldn't do anything to stop it. I wasn't going to see my girls grow up. I was too young. I just remember crying so hard. Knowing that my days were numbered. It was awful! I woke up to shortness of breath. Sweating and in total fear for my life. It was an eye opener. I take things for granted. I sweat the small stuff. I get frustrated at the little things and I am constantly complaining about our finances. About my weight. About not being able to have any more children even though I have two beautiful miracles. About the traffic being so ridiculous. About not being able to buy everyone something for Christmas. I worry about so many things and don't live life to the fullest. I HAVE to make a change. I have to teach my girls. They will grow up to be like me and I don't want them to grow up to be the person I am today. I want them to lead a good and happy life.
Why am I sharing this with you? Because, well........ I am scared. Scared of this dream! Is it going to come true? Maybe. I need to live my life like it is the last day I will be here. Like I am dying.
I am so sorry to anyone who has ever lost a friend or family member to cancer. I am so very sorry. My hearts are with you.
I need to live for these two little girls. Teach them to be happy and live life to the fullest.
3 comments:
Glad you posted a recent picture of your girls....they are BEAUTIFUL! Happy Holidays!
What a horrible dream, but it has totally made me look at things differently. I woke up this morning totally disgusted with myself. Yesterday was our work Christmas party and I felt like all I did was talk about people, laugh at our inside jokes, I was just behaving ugly. I vowed this morning that I'm not going to behave like that. THe first step is seeing it, the second step is changing it.
I'm sorry you had that dream, what a scary, awful dream. You are truly blessed and I hope that nightmare was just that a nightmare and NEVER becomes a reality! Love you!!!
xoxoxoxo
Since becoming a mother myself, my fears play out in my dreams much more than they ever used to.
I'm sorry that your dream was so scary and real. Hug those babies and hold them close.
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