2 1/2

My little babies are 2 1/2.  I don't know where the time has gone.  I don't remember them as babies.  I'm forgetting what it felt like to be pregnant.  I'm sad that these important moments in my life are escaping my mind.  I do admit.  The infant phase was extremely hard and I am glad we are way passed it.  I think if I only had one baby, it would of been a whole hell of a lot easier.  I'm sure.  But God gave me two and I did the best I could while trying to juggle a full time job and keeping a home in order.  Sometimes I get angry that I couldn't be a stay at home mom.  I didn't get to have the one on one time with them that I wanted.  I still have a hard time giving them both my undivided attention because the other one needs it too.  I'm looking forward to the time where I can leave one home with dad and take the other to lunch or to get a mani and pedi.  That will be nice.  One day.....

Sometimes I question if I am doing the right thing.  Am I disciplining too much?  Not enough?  Do they know I love them more than life itself?  Do I tell them enough.  Too much?  There's never too much......  I pray to God to help me be the best mom that He wants me to be.  To raise them to know Him.  To raise them to be good kids.  To be well behaved,  Well mannered.  To love everyone as Jesus loved us.  I pray that they will be healthy and happy....  It's so overwhelming....  My heart hurts all the time because I want the very best for them.  The deserve it.  So so much....

There are times where I am exhausted and so I turn on the television to keep their mind on that so I can rest just for a few minutes.  A few minutes turnes into a few hours and before I know it, they have been watching Mickey Mouse Club and haven't gotten the attention that they need.  Then I feel like a horrible mom.  Why is it so hard?  I just need to rest sometimes.

They are growing up so fast.  They are talking so much and I can understand them about 80% of the time.  They are little rascals.  They make huge messes and get into everything!!!  I hear mommy about 500 times a day and sometimes I run to another room because I'm going to lose my mind if I hear it again!  LOL  Then I remember the day where I was told I may never have children.  I remember the pain and suffering I went thorough to conceive them.  I remember how badly I wanted to have babies.  And then I walk out of the room, look into their little eyes, cry and hold them while telling them how much I love them because they truly are my little miracles.  Being a mommy is the hardest dang job EVER!  But the most rewarding too.....

They are starting to string sentences together and it's the cutest thing ever!  I always hear "Mommy!  What cha doing????"  Hilarious!  I love their little sweet voices and the smell of their skin and their little hands holding mine and their little butts running around after a bath.  And of course their snuggles.....  They are my world!  My everything.  I can't imagine my life without them in it.  I don't want to.  It's too overwhelming.

I can't belive that in six short months, I'll be planning a 3rd birthday.  It's insane.....  I just pray that I can give them everything they need.  I pray that God will bless our family abundantly.  He already has.  I'm not talking money, houses, cars and all of that.  I'm talking health and happiness.... 

This post ended up being all over the place but that is where my head has been lately.  All over the place.  And for that, I apologize...

God Bless,
Kami